Letting Go
by Strizzy
Summary: Jack p.o.v. of 3.06, I Do


A/N: This is my first attempt at writing Jate fanfiction, so please go easy on me

Disclaimer - I don't own lost or any of the characters, and the song used belongs to Jimmy Eat World

**Letting Go**

He had felt sick when he had seen that image on the TV monitor. Of her…with _him_. That had hurt more than anything else he'd had to endure in his life, and then to make matters worse, he'd had to also put up with the pitying, yet taunting at the same time, behaviour of the Others. All that he had wanted to do at that moment in time was curl up and forget about everything that was going on around him, for the first time he had wished that he had died in the plane crash; anything to get away from this pain.

As he stood by that operating table just hours later, he couldn't help but let his mind wander back to the times when everything had been so much more simple; when they had been closest, and felt comfortable talking, laughing and joking with each other into the night. The kiss had changed all of that. After she ran away from him things became strained, and she had left his side to be with _him_. She pushed him away, and so he did the same. They didn't talk unless it was absolutely necessary, and that had been a nightmare, because even though he didn't want to admit it, he loved her, which was why it had hurt so much when she ran away from him after the kiss. But he thought that their relationship had been recovering from that blow after they trekked into the jungle, and got themselves caught up in that net. There was also that look that she gave him when they were being held on that dock, right before the bag was pulled back over his face; the vulnerability shining in her eyes as clear as day. They got separated then, and she was living in a cage opposite _him_, whilst he was locked in a room all on his own, underwater. He had only seen her once since then; earlier that day when she had begged him to do the damned operation to stop them from killing _him_. He had flipped and shouted at them that they were done talking, and they came to take her away.

He had decided whilst he had been remembering the good times, that he cared about her too much to be resentful now; what was done, was done, and nothing could be changed now. She had made her choices and he had to respect that, no matter how much it would kill him inside, he had to let her go, and if that meant helping _him_ too, well that was just the way things had to go.

And so, knowing what he had to do, he made a cut, stood back, and watched as the blood pressure dropped. Now they would have to do as he asked, since their leader's life rested in his hands. He made his request, and soon enough a walkie-talkie was pushed into his hands. He pressed in the button, and spoke into the device:

"Kate? Are you there? Can you hear me?" He asked, almost dreading her response,

"Jack?" Came her voice, "What's going on? Aren't you supposed to be operating?"

"Yeah I am, but I need you to do something for me,"

"What is it?"

"I need you to run,"

"What?"

"They won't be coming after you for at least an hour, which gives you and Sawyer plenty of time to escape from this hellhole,"

"I won't leave you!" She protested,

"Please don't make this harder than it already is Kate," He told her,

If you still care at all, don't go tell me now 

_If you love me at all, don't call_

"But Jack…"

"No Kate, just go," He didn't want to have to shout at her, but if she kept fighting him, then he knew that he might have to eventually,

If you still care at all, don't go tell me now 

_If you love me at all, please don't tell me now_

_If you love me at all, don't call_

"I can't 'just go' Jack, I can't leave you here,"

"Yes you can, and you will,"

You rip my heart right out 

_You rip my heart right out_

"I'm not leaving you here on your own! Surely there is a higher chance that we'll all get out of this alive? What is it that you said Jack, live together, die alone?"

"Kate please just do as I ask,"

When I let you closer 

_I only want you closer_

_You rip my heart right out_

_You rip my heart right out_

"Why should I Jack? Why do you always have to be the hero?"

"Why the hell does it matter now? You're wasting time Kate!"

"It matters to me! I really care about you Jack, actually no, it's more than that, I lo…"

"SHUT UP KATE! IT'S TOO LATE, NOW PLEASE JUST GO!" He shouted, finally snapping and releasing some of the emotion that was making it hard for him to keep breathing.

If you still care at all, don't go tell me now 

_If you love me at all, please don't tell me now_

_If you love me at all, don't call_

He shut off the walkie-talkie and closed his eyes, trying to stop the tears from falling. He didn't succeed, but then he decided that he would allow himself to cry a little for his loss, especially since if his plan worked, then he wouldn't see her again, and hopefully the pain would ease with time.

A/N: Please review to let me know what you think


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